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I never knew I’d want Hermitaur Armor +3 so badly…and then so quickly toss the lackluster set aside and never bother with the equipment again.
You need to understand that I didn’t really want Hermitaur Armor +3 in the first place. I already have Ceanataur Armor +3, which is way, way better (I mean, it’s near the end of the armor list!). But the Hermitaur Armor has a Dragon defense of 20 (as opposed to the Ceanataur’s paltry zero), and I think that’ll be more useful when fighting the fire-breathing Rathian, a wyvern who drops Rathian Scales that I need to craft my Twin Flames +3.
Whew. That's a mouthful. But such is Capcom's latest venture on iOS devices, Monster Hunter: Dynamic Hunting, which manages to convince me that I must collect things that I don't really need. But obsession hasn't grappled my mind. I'm serious. I just want one more Firestone….
Right. Back to the Twin Flames. I'd like to upgrade them because that’d make the dual swords more effective against the Blangonga, a snow-haired baboon with saber-tooth-tiger fangs. He drops Ice Crystals that I need for my Crystallized Tuna (that's right — you can wield a giant, weaponized tuna), which should let me cut down the aforementioned Rathian a little faster.
Is this becoming a bit convoluted? I might not remember everything in the morning, but this all makes sense right now. Really. So I blow my available cash upgrading my Hermitaur Armor. And it’s somehow less effective than my Ceanataur plates.
No matter, though. I might already be on the wagon at this point because now I’m eyeing that cool set of Monoblos Armor with the badass horns and chains. Er…wait. That's off the wagon. Right? Jerry Seinfeld would know. Whatever. Glad I skipped those meetings.
OK…a confession, of sorts: I’m a bit of a collector with certain stuff…well, mostly just records. I’ve never been into obsessively accumulating virtual things. Bitmob Co-founder Dan Hsu might self-describe as an “achievement whore,” but those little notification dings hardly register for me. My friend Rob (yes, we run in packs) described how he replayed Fallout 3 in its entirety because developer Bethesda Softworks added trophy support. I imagined starting over for another roughly 70-hours-long run and only thought how a retread could never quite recapture the first experience. No thanks.
But Dynamic Hunting somehow taps into my collector’s mentality — finding seemingly useless trinkets (Monster Bone? Basarios Tears? Fire Wyvern Fluid? Ew, gross) means that I can eventually create valuable weapons and armors, which then resemble those creatures that I just carved up.
Monster Hunter contains an almost insane array of such beast parts to delight your collector’s heart to no end (and the console and handheld versions let you gather plants, capture insects, and catch fish, too) because these creatures don’t just illogically drop random, prefabricated arms of steel. You need to get the components first. You’ll then make the Rooster Decapitator, the Catburglar, and the Funky Maracas. And you might only use them once or twice. But you will have your eye set on the next thing down the list.
So I’ll step into the ring for the 42nd Rathian fight, and I’ll swing my Great Sword for the 185th time (the game does keep track of these stats). And while I’ll probably lay the Twin Flames down for the Dual Diablo once I procure the prerequisite Monoblos Hearts…sorry. I'm doing it again.
Don't worry, though. Put down the phone — you can stop dialing my sponsor. I'm OK. I don't need this stuff. Honest! I’m just not finished collecting shit.
