This post has not been edited by the GamesBeat staff. Opinions by GamesBeat community writers do not necessarily reflect those of the staff.
Once again, we turn to gaming’s marksmen to headshoot us with truth bullets!
OMFGCODBLOPS2! We just saw the biggest surprise in gaming ever: the reveal trailer for Call of Duty: Black Ops II! The leaks, the rumors, the teases, the we’re-announcing-something announcement…none of it prepared us! Another Black Ops! Wow! And that magical two minutes of footage? It’s like She-Hulk giving torpedo-birth to Chow Yun-Fat, who’s holding two flamethrows that shoot full-auto laser-flame missiles that blow up Finland while he does the nasty with Godzilla on a skateboard…only better!
And after we changed our pants and repainted that one wall, we read all 50 billion stories on BO2 that hit the same day the trailer did. Do you not understand? Black Ops 2 nearly broke the Internets with its super-colossal awesomeness!
So what say you, panel of experts? What’s your reaction to this life-changing event?
“So, Sergeant Woods made it to old age. P**sy.”
– Captain Price, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3
"Can't wait! Wah-HOO! But where'sa the level where you shoota the innocent, unarmed people in-a the back? Atsa my favorite part!"
– Mario, Super Mario Galaxy 2
"Yes! The robotic revolution begins! We shall hurl doom poultry at the squishies with our Cluck-O-Chucker cannons, destroy their emotional equilibrium with Proust Grenades, and then THE FEARED RAINBOW AFRONATOR WILL…oh. Yes, well, I guess bullets work, too."
– Dr. Nefarious, Ratchet & Clank Future: A Crack in Time
"Whatevs! I sneeze and my super-cute nasal droplets sell 10 million units each! More if it's the Limited Edition Rabies Mucus. Pika-pika!"
– Pikachu, Pokémon Conquest
“I just better be in this one. I only clinically died twice in the last go-round…I’m nailing the hat trick this time for sure.”
– John "Soap" MacTavish, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3
“Looks like somebody consulted the Call of Duty checklist. Rail-shooter sequences, helicopter blows up, major city bombed, gunship escort mission…it’s all there. Throw in some attack dogs and zombies and call it good.”
– Sam Fisher, Splinter Cell: Conviction
"Hey! Not a single girl in the entire war? Maybe I need to lightning-kick a few dudebros in the crotch to prove women are just as capable at blowing s**t up as men!"
– Chun Li, Street Fighter IV
"g0d 8LE55 4mEr1C4! Im a g00d r080t. D0 n0T kiLL me w1th swe4ty mEn 4nd gUnz."
– Sentinel, Marvel vs. Capcom 3: Fate of Two Worlds
"Killing socialist robots while riding a horse! That's the life-goal of every C-average Boy Scout who ever went out into the woods with a fire axe and a dream and came out a man!"
– The Soldier, Team Fortress 2
"Please. Our rather aggressive marketing plan and mass-brainwashing program already guarantees this will be the most successful product in human history. We project at least three distinct religions and one holy war will erupt around it in the first three months."
– Rufus Shinra, Final Fantasy VII
"I've already seen Battlefield 2142. I'm not worried."
– The Master Chief, Halo 4
